Edge of Thirty

Dreaming of Thirty*

When we were teens most of us dreamed of how our lives would be one day. Now, I was never really a planner, but I had a bit of an idea of how my life would turn out. Here are a few of the things I clearly remember dreaming about:

1. Naturally, I’d be successful (whatever it is that I would be doing). Back then I didn’t have a clear idea of what career I’d be following one day, but I knew that by that time I’d have it all figured it.
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2. I’d be living in a loft with my best friends (I didn’t have a husband in my dreams. I had a very I-ain’t-conforming-to-society’s-expectations attitude towards life). Imagine New Girl or Friends. This was pretty much my idea of growing up.
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3. I’d have achieved all my childhood goals. Take note that this included becoming a soccer player, learning how to skateboard, hacking computers, writing AND drawing my own manga, and becoming an amazing gymnast (nie mediocre nie, amazing). This is just the beginning of my list.
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4. Pets. Obviously I’d have a few cats, a dog and maybe a horse or two. However, the main dream here was to have a dog that was my best friend. It would be one of those dogs that followed me everywhere, were super obedient, but also super badass. Imagine Buddy meeting Hiccup, sort of thing.
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Reality

These are just a few of ideas I had of growing up when I was younger. These were the dreams of a kid who called 30 year-olds Tannie and Oom. Dreams of a kid who believed that one day was very far away, and thirty was pretty much the end of it all.

Now? Now I’m really wishing that thirty doesn’t mean the end of it all. Now, I’m quite afraid of what Teen-Alexa would have to say about Current-Alexa.

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First of all, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. My screw-society’s-expectations attitude? I still have it, but I don’t have my super trendy loft or crazy housemates that goes with it. I am living with my best friend though, also known as husband. Ironic, I know. (On that note, just because you’re married it doesn’t mean your shit is sorted out. That dream house (or any house for that matter) doesn’t just fall in your lap. It takes a bit of moving around, months of living with family, and maybe even some more.)

Best friend & I

Needless to say that I didn’t become a pro soccer player or gymnast. I still haven’t hacked any super secret corporations – sometimes I can’t even log into my own computer – and the few times I’ve tried skateboarding I looked like Robocop, so much padding was worn.

Also, I don’t have my dog yet, because you can’t get a dog if you don’t have a house. Nobody ever teaches you that. I used to think I’d finish school, go to university, and then get my dog. Nope. Doesn’t work like that.

The innocent image I had of growing up, is really not as fun as I pegged it to be.

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However, it’s also not as horrible as this blog post makes it out to be. Growing up is unpredictable, it’s hard, it means responsibility. It means that sometimes your dreams take a backseat.

I might have grown up, but my dreams haven’t. They still exist, and honestly, so do I. Just because I’m almost 30, it doesn’t mean it’s the end. Whether I’m 17 or 27, or even 77. As long as you exist, your dreams do too, and as long as your dreams exist you have something to live for.

In the words of Monica Gellar, “Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it.”

*NOT THIRTY YET – JUST FEELING THE INTENSE PRESSURE AS I’M GETTING CLOSER